Today I planned out exactly what I wanted for my birthday. I knew what I wanted and created my perfect day. This is growth for me. For too long I have placed others’ needs and wants ahead of my own. It was not something I was conscious of but something I did frequently. The need to put others before myself was ingrained in me from a young age.
My mother suffered from epilepsy and depression since I was very young. As the only daughter in a Latin household I became her caretaker from the age of seven. My dad took on his role as a breadwinner and was rarely home. Many times I was left to take care of my mother alone and I and the others around me accepted this role. It was not questioned. I know my family loves me immensely and this role was not given to me out of hate. It was given to me because that is all we knew.
The women in our culture and in our family have been designated caretakers. My family believed I as the only other female in the household was the best person for this job. From this I learned some bad habits. I learned to put others before myself. However, I also learned many beautiful things that make me who I am today. I learned to be strong, to be a leader, to be empathetic and how to care for others in need. I love my mom and I am happy I could be there for her.
Today I am learning that putting others before myself can now be put to rest. What I learned no longer serves me. I am a college educated strong woman because of it but it is time to let it go. Now I am learning to love myself and at least for my birthday to put myself first. I went to a coffee shop where they knew to call me “Vero” and ordered an iced horchata latte and a concha and I savored it. I took a picture with my girls with a painting of Frida. I got a manicure and a pedicure. I wrote from my heart in my journal. I demanded pizza, beer and cake for my birthday because that is exactly what I wanted. For the first time in a long time I put myself first and it feels so good!